


Quiet When I'm Coming Home

by EAI



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blackmail, Break Up, Hurt, Insecurity, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-07 04:28:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21452026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EAI/pseuds/EAI
Summary: did he really fall out of love? did he really want this?/or/Terror Bingo word: HOPE
Relationships: Thomas Jopson/Lt Edward Little, Thomas Jopson/Sgt Solomon Tozer
Kudos: 14





	Quiet When I'm Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> this work is unbeta'd, and is done entirely on my phone because i can't study for my exams. say hello to my bleak future! ♡ 
> 
> title borrowed from billie eilish's when the party's over.
> 
> but nonetheless, enjoy my second terror bingo entry: HOPE !

When he was a lot younger, he made a list of simple wishes in which he hoped he would fulfill most of them before he turned 30.

_Get a good job._

_Find the love of your life who will stay with you for who you are. _

_Marry._

_Adopt children._

_Build a house._

_Grow old._

Now 34, driven down to the brink of desperation and frustration, he accomplished only one. But he would soon lose that wish in a moment or two.

He learned too late that being hopeful would have incredibly painful consequences. It was strange, he only wanted to be happy, no matter how simple and poor his life could and would be. He wanted his loved ones to be happy too. And why couldn't they be - together?

"I don't understand..."

"Thomas."

"Tell me what I did. D-Did I do something--"

"Don't make this any more difficult."

"You're the one who's making this difficult! You're not telling me what I did wrong!"

He swallowed the lump in his throat, Thomas had never been angry with him before. He deserved to be at the brunt of this. He wanted to tell him, it was right at the tip of his tongue. But he swore he wouldn't tell. 

He was made to swear on his father's grave that he fucking wouldn't. 

"I'm sorry."

Thomas didn't say anything for a long while, so he risked looking up to his love's seafoam eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Sol could clearly see him dying inside, standing vulnerable and betrayed. 

"Is this it?" 

Yes. 

"Are we done?"

No.

"Sol, please."

"You have to go."

"Do you not love me anymore...?"

"Thomas. **Go**." 

But Thomas took a hesitant step, and for the first time Sol realized, his love was actually afraid of _him_. Afraid of what he might do, he was the one destroying this relationship. But Sol allowed him closer, who wouldn't? And they embraced each other for one last time. He basked in Thomas' loving warmth, knowing all too well that he wouldn't have him in his arms anymore. Wouldn't kiss him, wouldn't sleep next to him, wouldn't wake up every morning to his love's face.

Thomas was a man who stood worlds away from him now when he walked out of the door, he didn't deserve to be with someone like him. 

Did he even ask if this was what Thomas wanted? He didn't have to, the choice was not given to either of them. 

Did Sol really want this? To be alone and hopeless and useless.

He got himself drunk at Blanky's Bar that very night, William - what a faithful friend he was - slapping his back as he sobbed. 

William sighed heavily. "You're the happiest when you're with him, mate. Why the fuck did you break up with him?"

Sol wiped his face down with his hands. "Let's just say I had to. I need to let him go."

"Are you in trouble?"

"I'm not," he said quietly as he swallowed down his shot, welcoming the burn crawling down his throat. "I swear I'm not."

The drinks he took tempered down his anger, his _loss_. It was a nice, temporary balm to soothe him to sleep, to numb his grieving heart. 

He missed Thomas, every single moment of his waking hour. 

One night, he received a text.

With it - an image was attached. 

Sol read the message once, frowning, and risked opening the file. Then he hurled his phone against the wall, and screamed his lungs out. William didn't say anything concerning the chaotic state of Sol's apartment the next morning, he only sat beside him at the balcony, and kept him company as he cried.

Did he really want this? To be used? 

Sol made it a routine to visit his sister at the hospital every day, immediately after work. They only had each other now, back to two again. He refused to ask his aunt for help again, now that his sister was finally getting better. 

"--it's a miracle! I can breathe on my own again," she sent him a toothy smile. 

He smiled down at her as he braided her blonde hair. It was nice to see her like this, he adored her. She was his little angel, he would do anything for her.

"You remember that night, Monmon? Right after you left, I saw someone," she said as she played with her teddy bear, and Sol paused, listening. 

"Who did you see?"

"Daddy. He held my hand and told me he wasn't there to take me away just yet. He also told me to look after you. Did you get yourself in trouble again, Monmon?"

He chuckled, resuming his work. "No, I don't think so." 

She was quiet, then she murmured, maybe he wasn't meant to hear her but he did anyway. "You're a bad liar." 

He really was.

"Where's Tommy?" 

Sol cleared his throat, placing the hairbrush and hairbands on the bedside table. "He's not coming back to us."

"Did something happen to him?" she gasped.

"No, no! He's fine. We just... broke up," he finished lamely.

"Are you hurt?" her huge eyes looked up at him, worried, as she grasped his hand tightly.

"No," he answered quietly. "But I hurt him." 

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Sol shook his head with a small smile, leaning down to fix and fluff his sister's pillows. 

"Don't worry your pretty little head about us, okay? Us adults can solve this problem ourselves," he flicked her nose, earning a giggle from her. 

"But will I see him again? Somewhere, somehow?" she asked, eyes glowing brightly, innocently hopeful. 

She was so full of hope that it pained him to disappoint her. 

"Maybe, one day."

On his way home, tired from everything, there was a sleek, black Mercedes parked in front of his building. He recognized that license plate and rolled his eyes when one of its passengers got out with a sly grin. Of course, Sol would be meeting him again. 

"What are you doing here?" he gritted.

The bastard had the gall to leer at him. "Mr. Tozer, is that any way to treat your benefactor?"

"You're right. I apologize, _Your Highness_."

"Now, now. I'm not here to pick a fight with you. I hear your sister is recovering relatively well, I'm happy. Genuinely."

"Yeah? Now fucking leave us alone," he spat, climbing up the steps in two. "You've got everything you wanted."

"Actually," the bastard called out. "I'm here with a small mission. He left something in your apartment, and I've been tasked to take it off your hands."

Sol stopped. 

"Did you tell him?" he demanded when he turned to look at him. 

The bastard shrugged, hands slipped inside his expensive jeans as two of his bodyguards exited the car and stood on behind him. "Why should I bother him with anything about you? As far as I know, you're the one who broke up with him."

Sol tried to keep himself calm, but the asshole was taunting his already poorly controlled patience.

Upstairs, one burly bodyguard was glued to him while he rummaged through the bedside drawer where Thomas used to keep his treasured belongings. Trinkets, tickets and small wooden carvings of ships. Beneath, was the one most precious to his love - an old and worn photograph of a beautiful woman who shared the same shade as Thomas'. When Sol got out of his bedroom, the bastard was flipping through his photo album, lingering at one particular picture of Thomas smiling brightly at the camera. He barged into his home as if he didn't have any sense of privacy, he never did, how could Sol forget?

_"--swear on your Daddy's grave, Tozer."_

_He grunted when a boot landed on the back of his head, forcing him down against the earth. _

_"I swear on my father's grave, I'll leave him. I'll l-leave him," Sol cried, trembling hands clutching the dirt. "I don't care where you get it, just fucking save my sister!"_

_There was a click of a tongue, and a sigh. "Sad, isn't it? That you have to choose. You just really sold Thomas to me."_

"Not going to ask me how he is?" 

"So you can rub it in on my face? About all the glory of how you easily sweep my boyfriend off his feet in two weeks?" 

"That, and of course, his emotional state," he tilted his head, shutting the album with a loud snap, dropping it on the floor.

The burly bodyguard beside him snatched the photograph away from his hand and handed it to the asshole. 

"Like any other functional, human being, Thomas cries. He used to cry a lot for you, but now? Not so much. It's like he's flushing you out of his mind, and that brings a smile to my face," the bastard grinned, pocketing the photograph into the hidden seam inside his leather jacket. 

"If you hurt him--"

"Relax, I'm not that evil. I love him too, do you forget?"

The bastard walked past him, heading for the door, followed by his minions. "Take care of your sister, Sol. It'd be a complete waste to take it _all_ back." 

He was then left alone in the quietness of his home, staring longingly at the album on the floor.

Did he really want this? To be so full of secrets and reasons that filled him to the brim. 

Sol worked and worked. 

He took care of his sister. 

He did everything, sans the love of his life. 

Sans his hopes and wishes.

He was alone. 

He wanted to forget but he couldn't. 

Then one day, he saw Thomas again for the first time in three years. He was still beautiful, still had the habit of tucking his rebellious hair behind his ear, pink blushes still prominent on his fair cheeks. 

Thomas looked so happy in the arms of the bastard - _Edward Little_. 

Sol was forced to swear on his father's grave, on his sister's life, that he would have nothing to do with him again. 

So he turned back, and walked home alone. 


End file.
